Becoming overwhelmed about key disapointments / events in life

Whenever an event happens that is generally negative, what may happen is that we get overwhelmed for a period afterwards.

This event could be as diverse as the loss of a job, being conned in a business deal or being emotionally or physically abused. It could go further such as violence, the breakup of a relationship or being deprived of being around ones loved ones etc.

So whenever a reminder of that event occurs, such as meeting or talking to an old friend, that is connected in some way to the event. Or seeing children in the street or two lovers kissing. These things can trigger off a series of emotions that leave us overwhelmed.

What often happens once the first trigger is fired is that we get "activated" and we then fire all sorts of triggers in our minds to create our own overwhelm. This is like a domino effect and only causes to magnify the emotion.

This can be any emotion but includes such feelings as a sense of loss, humilation or victim type thoughts.

Its amazing how one external trigger can have all this power over us.


How do we get past all of this ?

My thoughts about how to stop all this from happening are to intercept every stage of the process:

• intercept for primary triggers
• intercepts for secondary triggers
• intercepts for erroneous negative thought and feeling patterns

How do we create these intercepts:

• we identify the triggers by writing them done and cataloguing them
• we identify the thoughts and feelings and stories that we play and write them down

After writing down the intercepts what we need to do is reprogramme our responses, there are a number of ways to do this

• NLP
• restating and living into new possibilities

Posting on being a victim

Ok, I'm coming back to this blog.

I'm in victim mode again today and what I believe is the more I think of being a victim the more I am. I could analyse and get more information about this and about my interactions with all these people / situations that I have been a victim around.

Ok so not only am i thinking this its got me and my head is a confused muddle, can you make sense of the action in the above paragraph. It's just a stab at solving the problem, not a very considered and grounded stab. Really, I've just been in a sort of desperate fix it mode.

Now ..so lets clear..

1. I am not in the past, i'm not the future, I'm just in the present.
2. i am only a victim because I allow it
3. I need to work on the triggers and how i get activated into this confused state
4. it will prob be very difficult and very emotional to work through all of this in one go i.e: work through all the transactions that make this happen, so...work on each person ... one at a time
   
5. I need to acknowledge that ... I am scared of myself and how I will confront these transactions knowing what i know. I am essentially afraid of triggering myself in these situations and therefore in avoidence of various situations and people
   
6. I could do with coping mechanisms and tactics for (5)
7. I could do with grounding myself with stronger roots for (5)
8. I will get very strong very soon, I am the rock

Ok

1. I need to work on the triggers and how i get activated into this confused state
2. Do a little every day on transactions and people
3. Work and develop strategies, coping and reprogramming for this
4. Keep a victim journal
5. listen to wayne dyers "Pulling Your Own Strings"
   

Actions:

i'm not really very religous but this rings true......

its from a religous site.

The following links argue that in a relationship:

• the man must love the woman unconditionally
• the woman must respect the man unconditionally

http://www.loveandrespect.com/content/crazy_cycle.php

and

http://www.loveandrespect.com/content/highDivorceRateVideo.php

Business is soooooo changing

http://www.hearmusic.com/ is a venture from Starbucks, there is no bounds for distrubution of digital mechandise

Lyrics

A chorus from a song by sweet, not reality...but sort of rings true to me

Love is like oxygen
You get too much you get too high
Not enough and you're gonna die
Love gets you high

Subjects to write about in the future

• what is the direction i want to take
• deep introspection ...where have i been
• history of the characters in my family
• how to get there ...the master plan
• my dream woman
• the meaning of love to me
• enjoying the journey
  
• contribution and leaving a legacy I can be proud of
• affecting and touching as many people positively as i can
• life at middle age
• Advancement of the human race: improved self knowledge and self management
  

Quotes of the day - Achievement

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.

Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982)

The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become. Harold Taylor Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

C. S. Lewis (1898 - 1963)

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.

Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945)

The awareness of the ambiguity of one's highest achievements (as well as one's deepest failures) is a definite symptom of maturity.

Paul Tillich (1886 - 1965)

is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919), "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.

Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924)

It isn't the incompetent who destroy an organization. It is those who have achieved something and want to rest upon their achievements who are forever clogging things up.

Charles Sorenson

Every great work, every great accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.

Florence Scovel Shinn

They who lack talent expect things to happen without effort. They ascribe failure to a lack of inspiration or ability, or to misfortune, rather than to insufficient application. At the core of every true talent there is an awareness of the difficulties inherent in any achievement, and the confidence that by persistence and patience something worthwhile will be realized. Thus talent is a species of vigor.

Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

The greatest achievement of the human spirit is to live up to one's opportunities and make the most of one's resources.

Vauvenargues

In studying the history of the human mind one is impressed again and again by the fact that the growth of the mind is the widening of the range of consciousness, and that each step forward has been a most painful and laborious achievement. One could almost say that nothing is more hateful to man than to give up even a particle of his unconsciousness. Ask those who have tried to introduce a new idea!

Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

Big thinking precedes great achievement.

Wilfred Peterson

Life is all one piece. Men err when they think they can be inhuman exploiters in their business life, and loving husbands and fathers at home. For achievement without love is a cold and tight-lipped murderer of human happiness everywhere.

Smiley Blanton

Our achievements speak for themselves. What we have to keep track of are our failures, discouragements and doubts. We tend to forget the past difficulties, the many false starts, and the painful groping. We see our past achievements as the end results of a clean forward thrust, and our present difficulties as signs of decline and decay.

Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Foster C. McClellan

Nor is it always in the most distinguished achievements that men's virtues or vices may be best discovered: but very often an action of small note, a short saying, or a jest, shall distinguish a person's real character more than the greatest sieges, or the most important battle.

Plutarch (46 AD - 120 AD)

The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it.

Mack R. Douglas

Energy - Emotional and Physical

Had loads of work to do on Sunday and thought with myself for a lot of Saturday whether I should goto salsa or not.

Was fighting with myself, do I go and enjoyment , feeling guilty etc. Went through so many emotions, lonely, frustrated, upset, deprived, strong, hopelessness, upset, guilt, etc

In the end I went and had an amazing time, gave me lots of good emotional energy.

I'm glad I went.

I felt tired on Sunday but this was a function of physiology more than anything else. I need to make sure I eat and drink in the optimum quanities and the best food for energy.

Some dictionary definitions

tenacious
adjective

1. holding firmly to something.
   
2. persisting in existence or in a course of action.

courage
noun

1. the ability to do something that frightens one.
2. strength in the face of pain or grie

phrases

• have the courage of one’s convictions act on one’s beliefs despite danger or disapproval.
• take one’s courage in both hands nerve oneself to do something that frightens one.

self-determination
noun

1. the process by which a country determines its own statehood and forms its own allegiances and government.
   
2. the process by which a person controls their own life.

determination
noun

1. firmness of purpose; resolutenesss.
2. the action or process of determining.

robust
adjective

1. sturdy or resilient.
2. strong and healthy.
3. uncompromising and forceful; not subtle: a robust defence.
4. (of wine or food) strong and rich in flavour or smell.

steady
adjective

1. firmly fixed, supported, or balanced.
2. not faltering or wavering; controlled.
3. sensible and reliable.
4. regular, even, and continuous in development, frequency, or intensity.

verb

1. make or become steady.

balance
noun

1. an even distribution of weight ensuring stability.
2. mental or emotional stability.
3. a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.
4. an apparatus for weighing, especially one with a beam and central pivot.
5. a preponderance: the balance of opinion was that work was important.
6. a figure representing the difference between credits and debits in an account.

verb

1. be or put in a steady position.
2. compare the value of (one thing) with another.
3. establish equal or appropriate proportions of elements in.

power
noun

1. the ability to do something or act in a particular way.
2. the capacity to influence other people or the course of events.
3. a right or authority given or delegated to a person or body.
4. political authority or control.
5. physical strength or force.
6. a country viewed in terms of its international influence and military strength: a world power.
7. capacity or performance of an engine or other device.
8. energy that is produced by mechanical, electrical, or other means.
9. Physics the rate of doing work, measured in watts or horse power.
10. Mathematics the product obtained when a number is multiplied by itself a certain number of times.
    

root
noun

1. a part of a plant normally below ground, which acts as a support and collects water and nourishment.
2. the embedded part of a bodily organ or structure such as a hair.
3. (also root vegetable) a turnip, carrot, or other vegetable which grows as the root of a plant.
4. the basic cause, source, or origin: money is the root of all evil.
5. (roots) family, ethnic, or cultural origins.
6. (also root note) Music the fundamental note of a chord.
7. Linguistics a form from which words have been made by the addition of prefixes or suffixes or by other modification.
8. Mathematics a number or quantity that when multiplied by itself one or more times gives a specified number or quantity.

verb

1. cause (a plant or cutting) to establish roots.
2. (usu. be rooted) establish deeply and firmly.
3. (be rooted in) have as a source or origin.
4. (be rooted) stand immobile through fear or amazement.
5. (root out/up) find and get rid of.
6. Austral./NZ & Irish vulgar slang have sexual intercourse with.

nourishment
noun

1. the food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition.
2. the action of nourishing.

strength
noun

1. the quality or state of being strong.
2. good or beneficial quality or attribute.
3. literary a source of mental or emotional support.
4. the number of people comprising a group.
5. a full complement of people: 100 staff below strength.

phrases

• go from strength to strength progress with increasing success.
• in strength in large numbers.
• on the strength of on the basis or with the justification of.
• tower (or pillar) of strength a person who can be relied upon to support and comfort others.

solid
adjective

1. firm and stable in shape; not liquid or fluid.
2. strongly built or made.
3. not hollow or having spaces or gaps.
4. consisting of the same substance throughout.
5. (of time) continuous.
6. able to be relied on; dependable or sound.
7. Geometry three-dimensional.

noun

• a solid substance or object.
• (solids) food that is not liquid.
• a three-dimensional body or geometric figure.

rock
noun

1. the hard mineral material of the earth’s crust, exposed on the surface or underlying the soil.
2. a mass of rock projecting out of the ground or water.
3. a boulder.
4. Geology any natural material with a distinctive composition of minerals.
5. Brit. a kind of hard confectionery in the form of cylindrical peppermint-flavoured sticks.
6. informal a diamond or other precious stone.

port
noun

1. a town or city with a harbour.
2. a harbour.
3. harbour

noun

1. a place on the coast where ships may moor in she

Climbing Everest

Half watched a TV program while working lastr night on some medics climbing Everest.

They were going through all sorts of hardships to accomplish there goal.

There were also distracted by members of othere teams that were risky their lives or close to death.

Its amazing what people will do in their pursuit of a goal.

Taking inspiration from these guys is easy.

I have a different mountain to climb but I have my health and everything is positive.

I am the rock....today with an eye of the tiger....making amazing progress on my mountain.

2barock - rocky - eye of the tiger - inspiration

from Sunday's research.

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Chorus:
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

chorus

Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

chorus

The eye of the tiger (repeats out)...

The quotes to focus on today

1. Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
   
   
   
2. The only way to have a friend is to be one.
   
   
   
3. Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
   
   
   
4. Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think.
   
   
   
5. Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
   
   
   
6. Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

Inspired ...more quotes from Emerson

1. To be great is to be misunderstood.
2. Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.
3. The ancestor of every action is a thought.
4. Hitch your wagon to a star.
5. A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life; he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days.
6. Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great.
7. That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved.
8. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
9. Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character.
10. The world belongs to the energetic.
11. Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.
12. What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
13. Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.
14. Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
15. The only way to have a friend is to be one.
16. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
17. Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
18. When you strike at a king, you must kill him.
19. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
20. Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
21. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
22. If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.
23. No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.
24. Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and vast wishes.
25. Whoever is open, loyal, true; of humane and affable demeanour; honourable himself, and in his judgement of others; faithful to his word as to law, and faithful alike to God and man....such a man is a true gentleman.
26. Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can.
27. A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.
28. Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think.
29. Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.
30. Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
31. Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
32. In every work of genius we see our own rejected thoughts.
33. People only see what they are prepared to see.
34. So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more it remains.
35. The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil.
36. Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
37. We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our roof tight and our clothing sufficient, but who provides wisely that he shall not be wanting the best property of all -- friends?
38. Always do what you are afraid to do.
39. Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
40. We become what we think about all day long.
41. Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.
42. You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong.
43. Truth is the summit of being; justice is the application of it to affairs.
44. A man makes inferiors his superiors by heat; self-control is the rule.
45. Self-trust is the essence of heroism.
46. Do what you know and perception is converted into character.
47. Conversation is an art in which a man has all mankind for competitors.
48. When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
    

I need some courage so i'm collecting quotes

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.

John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848)

Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.

John Wayne (1907 - 1979)

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Fortune helps the brave.

Terence (185 BC - 159 BC), Phormio

Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.

Robert F. Kennedy (1925 - 1968), 1966 speech

Bravery never goes out of fashion.

William Makepeace Thackeray (1811 - 1863)

A new design for life

The fact that there is so much that is not working gives me a new opportunity to design life in the way I want it.

I think all of this battling with my emotions stuff is meant to be, its part of my journey.

I have so many resources I just need to take stock, acknowledge and celebrate them.

What I'm, missing is human connection , I feel cut off and its time to show myself again to the world.

I need to put everthing right and face the world.

I'm a yo-yo and I'm aspiring 2barock

I'm fighting with myself today and also being very hard on myself.

I guess at the root of it I'm felling very lonely and think that I have made some bad choices on my way and that is why I do not have lots of friends and people around me.

The sun is shining and I want to go out and there is also lots of work todo and I can't seem to do either. I guess I just want to hide away.

The reality is i'm either very up or very down, there does notseem to be any inbetween and I'm aspiring to be a rock, I really don't know if I'm going to make it.

Ok so what to do, the only answer I have is to keep on keeping on. I'm going to start my work.

Last Night - Giving up guilt and living every moment

Yesterday I had too much work todo and I decided to go out anyway even though I did at the start feel a little bit guilty.

What I am getting is that life is a journey to be savoured moment by moment. When one is dancing, one is completly there. I don't know what is going to happen next.

Incidently I went out to dance salsa last night one of my favourite passions.

I had great fun, and intended to be around one particular woman, although she was there and we hung out a bit, danced and had fun I really did not spend much time with her. I think she's great and it's early days, she knows that I went out of my way to see her, lets see if she responds, and develops her feelings !! If she doesn't then there will be plenty of other nice ladies to spend my time with !! What is important is selecting a good one rather than one that could cause trouble and heartache. There really is no scarcity !!

It really works to travel first class and do whatever one wants, ot develops a richness to life. I am going to book into the salsa congresses that I want to book into and make this work.

We only know that we are here once. It is time to start living !

I'm not going to feel guilty for doing the wrong thing or not doing the right thing anymore, I have inherited this from one of my parents.

I am giving up guilt and going to make every moment count.

A new sense of calm

The flat is tidy today and I have a new sense of calm. I really like calm for work it bring clarity and clarity in this business is one of the factors governing productivity.

I have been living life in crisis and chaos. I don't want this anymore. I want everything sorted out.

My commitment is to get aeverything sorted and make everything work.

It is not surprising given the way I have been working and the people I have been around (Historic) that I have been where I have been.

The big thing NOW is that I am older and wiser and I know what works and what does not work. I have all the power to make everything work. In the past I let myself get infected by some pretty bad attitudes. I will not let this happen again.

However I am around some stronger people. I need to remember my strength of character and not get diverted from my path, my crazy and pointless behaviour of others.

Also, no more procrastination, I am now going to be an unstopable and determined in achieving my goal.

I am the rock, who dances through life.

definitions of extraordinary

from http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=27287&dict=CALD

extraordinary
adjective
1 very unusual, special, unexpected or strange:
He told the extraordinary story of his escape.
Her voice had an extraordinary hypnotic quality.
an extraordinary coincidence

2 extraordinary meeting a special meeting which happens between regular meetings

extraordinarily
adverb
very; unusually:
She is, it must be said, extraordinarily beautiful.

My definition of extraordinary:
Doing ordinary things with a very usual level of quality and efficiency

Having an extraordinary day
Where the sum of the results of the whole day are extraordinary and the day has been highly enjoyable or has had an inspirational component to it.

My Mission
To make every day an extraordinary day

How is the day going to be extraordinary

1. tackle the biggest rocks first
2. Fill in the gaps so its easy to complete
3. write lists about everything
4. work in the best environment in my house
5. have a reward for success
6. dance with the problems and issues

Its going to be like I planned today

Last few days I have played to have extraordinary days and although both days have both been successful, neither has been extra-ordinary.

Today I am choosing to be extraordinary. To finish everything on my list and also have time for play and sleep.

I know its going to happen today and I am choosing to make it happen. I'm going to let nothing get in its way. Today I am having an extraordinary day dancing through life.

Inspiration through poetry

From http://3rdworldblogger.com/category/chronicles-of-a-million-eyes/

Which has a beautiful set of poems, I'm single right now and I have a love hate relationship with lust. This poem seems to capture it in one way.

Making a mental note to look at poetry more to understand my life.

Exclusively yours
The eyes of lust
Seem to sing out loud
But how can you trust

Garnished with a hearty laugh
And flawless dentition
Heed your alarms
Approach with trepidation

A bout of foolish pleasure
Is all that lust can offer
Which inadvertently results therefore
In pain of immense measure

Be wary ‘o’ children
Of the hypnotic eyes of lust
Its beguiling charms brethren
Are sure-fire ways to get lost

Ok what happened yesterday

What happened yesterday was again got lots done but still there is a vast room for improvement. It's a case of attitude determining altitude.

I was stopped for a large part of the morning yesterday, my brain and mind sort of went awal (absent without leave).

The best way to describe it is to say that it was like my processing power was operating at 10% of its power because 90% was full up with all the worries and negative thoughts about what I am doing.

I talked to my business partner about it and I found that I was being significant, heavy and upset, and also very tired.

He talked about a metaphore that I am very keen of, to dance with all the problems of the day. So it took me some time to do this but when I did things really started moving.

And although I didn't hit my targets I was pretty close.

Setting up today so that it really works

I went for an extra-ordinary day yeseterday and it didn't work. Some things shifted but not what i would call extra-ordinary.

I'm very tempted to reset today with smaller expectations than yesterday, sort of it hurts to much when I fail syndrome and hence work today that way and thus the title of this post.

But a strange thing is happening, as I write this post, I am thinking that I'm not going to settle for second best today, I'm going to go for it again today and play to get so much complete.

It means I must main my focus and a very positive attitude.

Afterall don't they say attitude determines altitude.

So today I will work until 9:30pm on the business and then have my food.
From 9:30pm I will work on the flat through to 11:30pm and then I will be in bed on time. getting up my energy for a superb day tomorrow.

Today is now going to be superb, a few moments ago it was not looking good. Blogging is very powerful.

Same old issues

I had a pretty productive day yesterday but it was not good enough, I really need to make a shift in the work.

As a result, my glass was half empty and I stayed up way to late (of course not producing) and I am now tired this morning and there is sooo much to do.

I dare not speak to some of my customers in case I get diverted onto other topics or do not finish what I have started today.

I'm big time racqueting again also, with the continual statements which are familar and go something like this.

It's all hopeless, if only we could be left to make the business a success without being setup, I should be doing something else, I could have a great life if employed or self employed and then we can make it work OR just keep going, get through this difficult bit etc.

I then thought about just simply choosing to do whatever it takes to get this going, and to be honest I'm finding it really difficult to do this, but in writing this I can see that I can choose for today to be 100% committed.

Other progress, I made some progress on my flat, it's a little more organised but I did not keep present to what I wanted to achieve yesterday. I will restate what I want to achieve today.

I feel tired this morning, I think a lot of this is worry and weight from thought rather than lack of sleep or physiology. Although I will make sure I drink a good amount of water today.

How to make this day extra-ordinary

I need to make this day extra-ordinary. How am i going to do it !

First what is an extra-ordinary day:

• I can get everything on my todo list done;
• I can tackle some of the long term issues that i have;
  
• I can move my quality of life forwards;
• I can get in touch with my dreams and make them happen;
• I can organise myself so that I am ahead of the game for tomorrow;
• I will be in bed at a good time tonight feeling comfortable about the days results;
• I will eat great food;
• I will look at my network of relationships and look how I want to expand this network again. This last activity is what I really want;
• I will create my vision for my life;
• I will book the map coaching session with my business partner;
• I will start to end my link on the salsa project and start to recreate it so that is it works in a different way.
• I will every item in the flat in more or less in its place.
  

Its a new day what are the issues

Ok his blogging thing is fantastic, get clear about everything and move forwards. I feel so much more productive.

Have been racqueting a little today mainly about an incompletion that I have with a networking group and how it was part of a plan where some people conspired against me, this is related to old business partner (or his associates) who I know on occasion have been trying to abuse and sabotage my business.

I need to get over this, keep looking at the big picture and make the business untouchable.

I can be complete with this I think if I write to one of my contacts in the group and talk to the person that owns the networking business.

Seeing the negative rather than the positive

Fear has me so often:

Its because of this that I see the negative rather than the positive sometimes:

• In my conversations with myself
• in my current status
• when certain people speak

Maybe if I can remove the fear, except when its really needed, the positive will shine

Keeping On - Keeping On

Every so often I just review my position and I figure I could more or less have everything I want or need by either going back to work or taking a self employed job.

It's almost harder to continue doing this business but I guess we are not far from making it really work. The last thing i want to do is stop just when it is going to start really working.

Friends, Community and being Lonely

Ok I'm a socialable creature, an extrovert, I like to share what is going on in my world, talk and find out about other peoples worlds, have fun and dance in conversations with others.

So what do I do for a living, I have a partnership in a small website development company that has me work on my home at home in isolation.

Because we are very ambitous I am working very hard and don't have time to do much mingling, networking, attendance of social events, entertaining.

I have lost contact with many friends and family.

This was compounded by a bad relationship that finished a couple of years ago where "she" didn't really like seeing my friends, hmmmmm I don't want to go there on this post.

In addition I have a couple of incompletions with my brother that makes it difficult to be around him.

Finally sometimes I work in the lounge so that I can have the TV on, I think its so that I can feel less lonely. But when I look at this, this compensation and avoidance is really doing me no good, it's just delaying and diluting things.

Working in the living room I believe is a large reason why my flat is a mess.

The Moving to A Different Location Dilema

I have it that to save money and get back control on a rental property I have in a different location I have to move there.

Given new findings, 3 intelligences concept etc I think I really need to re evaluate all of this so I really understand what I want here and what is practical to achieve.

I have it that I don't want to move, but its best to.

I need to spend a lot more time writing about this so I really understand it.

My place is a mess and my life support systems have broken down

I work from home and home at the moment is a mess, I have stuff everywhere not put away.

My usual life support systems for things like washing up, clearing up, washing clothes etc these have all sort of broken down !!!

Ok ...DRAMA ALERT .... I am prone to drama, one side of my family is especially good at drama and I've inherited the natural skills bigtime ;-)

Ok the reality is, I have just been avoiding using my systems and I have made excuses to keep everything like that.

It works best when Im organise life to be in a certain way. I am usually very productive when life is like that.

I know what to do here I just need to do it.

I am hiding

There are some things that I am hiding from that have me lose my power:

• there are some debts
• there are some issues with my previous company
• there are some things (proactive) that I need to sort out to make sure things go well with the future business.

I need to make a list of these things and actually do them. It's not going to take very long but I will be a lot happier if i just do them and get them out of the way.

Avoidance Tactics

I have a number of great avoidance strategies that I use to put things off and procrastinate, they are:

• play internet computer games, go and backgammon
• watch TV
• go out and have coffee

Doing any of these things stops me from tackling the issues that I want to tackle.

In addition I have a number of avoidance thoughts and feelings, they are:

• I'm too tired
• I'm too confronted
• I can't handle this emotionally
• I have done enough today already

I am determined to confront these avoidance strategies and just get on top of everything

Being a Victim

After quite a lot of work with my close business colleague I was aware that I have been being a victim almost as long as I remember.

I need to do more work on this but basically I want to instead of running my victim mode turn it into something a lot more powerful. Like an amazing winner etc.

This is just a note for now as I am in full flow of work, I need to develop the victim mode into something else later.

Reoccuring racquets today

Woke up this morning and I started running my favourite racquets (for the definition of a raquet see post bellow), not a great start to the day.

I have been running these raquets for a while they are

1. If only the business is left alone (I am convinced that an ex employee is intent on causing sabotage) to get on with itself we can make progress.
2. Because I'm not making enough money I am not a good bet for a new girlfriend, I'm not a secure and stable guy that can keep a family.
3. There is too much to do and I don't want to work for 14 hours today
4. Because of recent business problems no one will ever trust us again despite all the good work we do and it's hopeless.
5. I'm a loser nobody will ever want me.
6. I was unjustly treated (contet of a local networking group).
   

These racquets are really demotivating me and I am determined to stop giving them time and turn them around into positive energy filled afirmations.

I obviously would like to work these out now but I'm at work so I really need to look at these later.

Landmark Technology - How does this relate to becoming a rock ?

Answers on a postcard please, but I will look at these areas in respect to being the rock.

Definitions taken from good old wikipedia:

• Racket(s): Recurring complaints in tandem with a "way of being" that allow persons to justify themselves and their point of view but which can rob them of opportunities for satisfaction and joy; ways of being that allow people to justify themselves and their point of view; preconceived notions of why one is right and others are wrong.
• Strong Suit previously known as Formula for success, or Winning formula : Ways of being originating in what Landmark Education identifies as the three main transitional stages of one's life — early childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. These may have worked repeatedly in the past but they can obstruct more effective approaches. Alternative definition: a way of being that has worked well in the past and that we keep using, which keeps us from perceiving new options.
• Vicious circle: Possibility-limiting concepts that determine experience and shape future experiences; a sphere where our concepts determine our experience.
• Taking a stand: Putting attention on a vision for the future; putting our attention on our vision of life that gives us self-expression
• Distinguishing ourselves and our world through language: The world consists of language and can be altered through language.
• Breakthrough: Abandoning old habits and embracing a new way of being; looking at things from a different perspective, getting a new understanding of life.
• Already/always listening: Listening to others with preconceived notions of what they really mean.
• Possibility A phenomenon that exists in and impacts the present. (As distinct from the regular usage of possibility meaning "something that perhaps might happen in the future".
• Enrollment essentially having (or creating) a conversation in which you move, touch or inspire someone by 'causing a new possibility to be present'.

The Always Behind with the Work Dilema

This coupled with "must do an excellent job" are robbing my business of both profitability and enjoyment.

Seems I'm always struggling to catch up and often being reactive rather than proactive.

This is the reason I'm often working in the evenings and the weekends.

I'm not happy about this.

The "Doing an excellent job" is great but right now there is little time to do it and many customers expect it yet are not prepared to pay for it, I sort of give it to them anyone. I say to myself we will work out a way of delivering excellent solutions at a good price but always seem to spend too much time on the job so that it is not profitable.

While the excellence approach is good for the business longterm it makes the business like running a marathon but with few carrots on the way as rewards.

The +ve side is though I love doing an excellent job and feel proud of my accomplishments in this regard.

So it's a dilema, I need to talk to my business partner to understand it better and come to a happy medium.

Being a Rock at Salsa

Ok went to salsa last night had lots of fun playing in my dance and found myself to be very grounded.

Talked to more people than usual and really feel that I am becoming part of a community.

One thing happened when dancing with this one particular woman, one that I quite like romantically, is that i chose to start being the rock. I discovered a new sense of power, becoming very supportive, protective of my partner in the dance, while this is not new I usually reserve this sort of behaviour for girlfriends rather than potential girlfriends. She responded very positively to this by throwing herself into my arms, I am sure was having fun and romance as well. I really do hope things will develop.

Although I sort of feel a little crazy for not taking her number, and beat myself up a little. Its ok I'm sure things will work out.

Watch this space !!

What was missing

There was one thing missing from me last night however and it was a little lack of emotion. I put it down to a little bit of burn out (working too hard). What I commit to is getting myself emotionally stable and that means looking after my physiology and my sleep.

Mental note

• What does a man rock behave around family, friends, work, home etc
• model these behaviours, find suitable role models, use NLP to duplicate the behaviours
• what do i need to become physically and emotionally more stable, afterall this is the platform for which all logical decisions are based.
  

It's a Sunday ! All work and no play !

Ok, today i'm fighting my usual battle with myself that I often have on Saturdays and Sundays, so I'm writing about it so that I can understand more about it, get clear about it and stop battling with myself, procrastinating and ending up neither

• enjoying a day off
• accomplishing a great amount of work

What I really want is to have two or at least 1.5 days off every week, so I could stay in denial about it or I could just make it happen.

Time to start living I think

Come to think of it I don't think I'm very productive right now. I'm working far too many hours and probably the wrong hours.

I think I'm most productive on 7 hours sleep and I think if I adopt a pattern of going to bed before 11:30pm and getting up at about 6:30 that will really work.

I also want to make sure the house is tidy by 9:00pm each night and everything prepared or planned for the next day. I am committed to living a proactive life with a large dose of quality.

So why am i working all these hours ?

I really do not know why I'm working all these hours, I think a lot of it is fear based and also maybe its a substitute for something or I am trying to prove something (probably to myself), whatever it is I think if a lighten up a bit I will probably find myself more productive and profitable.

I do know one thing it is stopping me from persuing what I love most about life and that is relationships. This includes connections with friends and associates and also a primary relatonship.

I think it's partly because I have so much pain associated with recent relationships that I am not persuing them and thus filling in / compensating with work and then being in denial about what I really want

So that's it, more on the path of becoming a rock.

The path towards self-actualization

This is copied from Maslows Hierarchy of Needs

In short, self-actualization is reaching one's fullest potential.

According to Maslow, the tendencies of self-actualizing people are as follows:

1. Awareness

• efficient perception of reality
• freshness of appreciation
• peak experiences
• ethical awareness

2. Honesty

• philosophical sense of humor
• social interest
• deep interpersonal relationships
• democratic character structure

3. Freedom

• need for solitude
• autonomous, independent
• creativity, originality
• spontaneous

4. Trust

• problem centered
• acceptance of self, others, nature
• resistance to enculturation - identity with humanity

the 3 types of intelligence

Just been reading about the 3 different types of intelligence.

Interesting to note that all animals have physical intelligence, many mammals have emotional intelligence, very few have logical intelligence, possibly only humans and apes. The arguement extends to state that we have evolved through physical intelligence into emotional and now into logical. It is also reasonable to assume that into the future more emphasis will be placed on the logical intelligence.

Logical can involve processing and is largly proactive, physical and emotional are largly reactive.

There is also an arguement that states that most of our actions/decisions are based in the physical or emotional intelligence. We often however use backwards rationalization whereupon one comes to a logical conclusion in ones brain based on ones emotional state, therefore rationalizing emotional choices with logical reasoning.

Much of the time therefore we make decisions based on our emotions rather than our logical brains but we then back this up with logic. To verify to ourselves why we made the emotional decision and to validate that decision to others.

Of course the new car was a lot safer than the old one, but the fact it is more prestigous, larger, shows me to be more powerful had nothing to do with it....honestly !!! A clear case of justifying an emotional decision in the logical world (for anyone that knows me it' not the current car I'm talking about but the one before ;-) .

Now when I think back to times when I was at my most stable and proactive (the optimum rock moments) I think I have had very strong logical thinking powers, able to make sound judgements based on a clear head. The trouble is I think often I have been soooo logical I have not paid too much attention to my emotions which are also very powerful.

To perform at one's optimum I think we need every intelligence to be working well

• physical
• emotional
• logical

Maslows hierarchy of needs are

Now one might also say that each intelligence spans several of the hierarchies

• Physical - the physiological and some of the security needs
• Emotional - security to esteem needs
• Logical - experience and purpose through to self actualisation needs
  

Therefore in common with the hierarchy which suggests that people progress through the needs and where lower needs are missing it could be that decision making matches the need that is being fullfilled.

Therefore to have great emotional and logical intelligence it probably helps to have many of the logical and emotional needs to be fullfilled.

I think I'll be looking at Maslows needs again pretty soon but that's all for now.

The name of this blog

This blog is quite simply a place to dialogue and hopefully discover a new way of approaching my life or posssibily validating my approaches right now.

I have a grand new vision, to be a very human rock, 2barock with a high level of emotional and logical intelligence.

This will guide me doen the path to live my dreams and make the differences I want to make to the world.

This the blog also marks the start of a new journey towards that destination.

As part of doing this I commit to writing 5 times per week to this blog.

Starting Out

Many people would be grateful for my life, I own some property not just one but several, I still have my youth even though I am now close to 40. I am accomplished at many things and admired for some things

However my life is far from how I want it. In the world within which I live I have moved from a considered success with much influence to a small time business man and have been losing money every year for 5 years.

I have my freedom in some ways but in other ways are tied to the business so much that I have lost sight of the quality of life, and freedom to contribute when I started out on this journey from the corporate life.

Once I had a great life full of joy and friends and fun. Now I have issues, problems and masses of incompletions everywhere.

I have taken on some big challenges and have put absolutely everything into them. While doing so I have encountered some of the biggest emotional challenges I have ever faced.

I've seems that been through some pretty desperate times and that I have had to fight for some very basic things. I have turned into what others call a work-a-holic but the truth is I have been fighting for my dream relentlessly for so many years.

I'm aware that have been influenced and have associated with many who seem to have taken my gentle giving concientous nature for granted. Customers, partners and friends have all taken advantage. I give too much, I want to be the best and I do so without considering whether I am getting a fair exchange. It seems I just give away, my soul, my money, my time, my power, and my knowledge.

In the face of all of this I have for so many years put others needs above my own. I have failed to pay attention to my own needs and my relationships, my health, my finances, my home and my emotions have suffered. It is clear that for several years I have found it very difficult to trust others and to trust myself.

It's quite true to say for a long time I have been very lost.

And yet I have learned so much.....so very very much.

Abd yet I have remained in limbo, at best treading water, at worst dying within myself and retreating.

So why write now after so much as passed, quite simply I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, a glimmer of hope, the promise of a new destination.