Many people would be grateful for my life, I own some property not just one but several, I still have my youth even though I am now close to 40. I am accomplished at many things and admired for some things
However my life is far from how I want it. In the world within which I live I have moved from a considered success with much influence to a small time business man and have been losing money every year for 5 years.
I have my freedom in some ways but in other ways are tied to the business so much that I have lost sight of the quality of life, and freedom to contribute when I started out on this journey from the corporate life.
Once I had a great life full of joy and friends and fun. Now I have issues, problems and masses of incompletions everywhere.
I have taken on some big challenges and have put absolutely everything into them. While doing so I have encountered some of the biggest emotional challenges I have ever faced.
I've seems that been through some pretty desperate times and that I have had to fight for some very basic things. I have turned into what others call a work-a-holic but the truth is I have been fighting for my dream relentlessly for so many years.
I'm aware that have been influenced and have associated with many who seem to have taken my gentle giving concientous nature for granted. Customers, partners and friends have all taken advantage. I give too much, I want to be the best and I do so without considering whether I am getting a fair exchange. It seems I just give away, my soul, my money, my time, my power, and my knowledge.
In the face of all of this I have for so many years put others needs above my own. I have failed to pay attention to my own needs and my relationships, my health, my finances, my home and my emotions have suffered. It is clear that for several years I have found it very difficult to trust others and to trust myself.
It's quite true to say for a long time I have been very lost.
And yet I have learned so much.....so very very much.
Abd yet I have remained in limbo, at best treading water, at worst dying within myself and retreating.
So why write now after so much as passed, quite simply I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, a glimmer of hope, the promise of a new destination.
